Sometimes, as disappointment sinks in, I ask myself why am I doing this? Why am I writing horror?
There are certain things that go past the passion. I believe to be an okay writer; I believe to be able to pour feelings in a paper. It’s something I am capable of doing, whether I want to be modest about it or not.
I have an overall positive attitude when it comes to everything in life. I create walls, and I carry on with this positive outlook that everything is going to be fine. People say I’m living in a dream, but I am not.
I had cancer when I was 14. I had two months to live. Did I think about it? No, I was sure that everything was going to be fine.
I wanted to go to U.S, and I kept being told that there was no way I could manage to go there. But I am here.
When it comes to writing horror though, it’s not that I get discouraged about it; it’s just that it is true. I’m never going to be the horror writer I want to be. Because we live in this kind of world, where horror is for men to write, as women are too “emotional” about it.
My writings are about different cultures and different countries, but people do not want to read those. The only “different cultures” books they want to read are the ones where the main white characters are kidnapped by some animal-like people, who plan to sacrifice the good guys for the Gods. Isn’t it what people read though? Isn’t it what they consider putting different cultures in horror?
When I write about different cultures, I write about their horror, and their creatures.
And then, after all, English is not my mother tongue, and no matter how good I may be at it, people are still going to have a bias as they read the book.
Who am I? Just a foreign woman…
Who is going to give a book deal to someone like me?
I do not pity myself; I am simply expressing the reality, which exists.
I’m never going to be the horror writer I want to be. But I don’t know if I want to be that horror writer anymore. I’ve grown up, and I have matured. I don’t want to be a best-selling author; I don’t want to be a horror master. Places like that are not going to be given to foreign women, no matter how hard we fight.
I want to be a writer, who changes the horror. I want to write books, which are going to help people start loving horror again, books without discrimination, books you can read without feeling uncomfortable.
Maybe I am not going to write books for the majority of the horror readers, but I am writing horror for people like me, who feel like they don’t belong in this genre.
What do YOU think? Don’t YOU think that horror should change?